It seems that a lot of my life comes down to making choices. Even my knitting life. What project will I knit next? Which yarn should I use? What color?
But it’s the real life choices that are the most difficult. The ones that take the most thought and have the ability to change your life completely. When I decided to attend college, I made the choice to only apply to 3 colleges: 2 hopefuls, and 1 fall back. When I got accepted to all 3 schools, I had to decide which of my two top choices was the one I really wanted to go to. I ended up selecting UC Davis over UC Santa Cruz, and while a year and a half ago I would have said I think I made the wrong decision, I’m fairly certain now that I have. No, actually, I’m certain, without a doubt, that going to UC Davis was a better choice.
When I applied to graduate school, I carefully selected the programs and worked tediously on my applications for 5 different schools. I have yet to hear from Arizona State University’s PhD program. I received a notice placing me on the wait list for the University of Arizona’s brand new PhD program and I was delighted. Wait listing me meant I had a chance, that I was a desirable candidate. When I received rejections from the PhD programs at UC Davis and Indiana University, I was devastated. I finally received an acceptance to the Women’s Studies Master’s program at San Francisco State, which was where I intended to go if I wasn’t accepted to UC Davis. And just yesterday, I received a phone call from the University of Arizona notifying me that they would like to extend an offer of acceptance.
So it all comes down to choices. Uprooting my life, leaving my friends, family, and boyfriend for Arizona and its 120+ degree almost year-round temperatures for a 6 year program in Gender Studies, or stay living in northern California and attend the two Master’s program at San Francisco State.
I declined the University of Arizona’s offer and will be attending the Master’s program at SF State in the fall. I’ve made my choice. I’ll get to a PhD program eventually, and it may not be a Women’s Studies program, it may be in a different department entirely. I have two years to make that decision.
But when the thought of attending the University of Arizona crossed my mind, I couldn’t help but think one thing: I won’t be able to knit the things I love anymore. I’ll be relegated to socks, light cardigans and wraps, and decorative items. While the drastic change in my knitting life didn’t play a role in my decision to reject the offer from Arizona, it did make me realize something.
No matter how large or small the choice, it can have ramifications that you would never have expected, and in all areas of your life.
But knitting is a part of me, a part of who I am and I won’t sacrifice that so easily. In two years from now, when I am receiving my acceptances (and rejections) to PhD programs, I will have to consider how my whole self will function wherever I go. Could I withstand the freezing cold temperatures of the University of Michigan? Could I stand living in the red state of Indiana? Would I be able to survive in Los Angeles without drowning in silicone and hair extensions? While it may not play a huge factor in my ultimate decision, my ability to knit will play a role in my choice to attend school in the desert versus the arctic.
But I guess what I really have to hope is that I make the right choice, and that it will always be the right choice, no matter the circumstances. And right now, I can’t make the choice to leave the state and everything I love, so I won’t. But I know that someday I will, and it won’t be so easy.